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To nice?  Well some will use that quality you have until it hurts

I debated long and hard about keying this in, but given what happened today, I had to put this page up.  So read on.

One of the things that got me into massive problems with my now defunct marriage was the fact that I used to ignore my own past pains, by helping those that needed it.  Problem was, and apparently until today's betrayal, still is.  Let me explain what happened today before I get into past things

I had (untill today) two friends that I had known for 6 years.  Well, her husband got shot during a 4th of July 2 years ago, and he changed.  Well they both did.  It was accidental, some idiot brought a gun to a 4th celebration and started shooting it off drunkenly, and hit several people.  He was shot twice in the back, and yes his family, including children were with them.  He changed a LOT.  Got meaner and money hungry.  But with me, I loved playing with their kids, and tried to help them out in these hard times.  This last time was letting them borrow the car for Christmases shopping and things like that.  It was my present to them.  Well, they did not return it or return my calls.  And the first excuse was the car would not start.  SO I left a message lettign them know I would tow it the next morning.  Imagine my surprise when the car wasn't there. 

Now remember, I have known them 6 years.  WHen they called to say they got it started and were bringing it over.  Which they did not, and yet another round of unanswered calls.  Finally she answered, and told me her purse was stolen, and did not have the keys.  Well we had copies made and went over there.  Upon startign it the alarm went off, and I did not have a copy of the bauble to stop it. 

He went off and started threatining to beat me up, and told his neighbors I did it on pourpose.  He got in my face, to which point Mike showed him the bang stick, and I calmly told him that the police would be called to protect me if his behavior continued.  He then started spouting off lies, saying I lost the keys and a bunch of other stuff, and then she said "Well you should not of let me use the car" 

Never mind the fact that I am now 500 in, and highly stressed.

The fact that they were like that, turned something in me.  And that hurts.  I know now I cannot trust people any more.  I have to be more selective now, and I feel, quite honestly, that they took something from me other than trust.  They took my ability to want to help, I feel they took an innocence I did not even know I dad.  And it hurts very very badly.

Any way.  I am not saying that we should not help each other.  But I feel that humanity right now is in very bad trouble.  The fact that I am going ot have to close myself off from friends I had for 6 years is killing me.

To be honest with all of you this incident was the proverbial straw, and proves to me now, because I have lost everything, and have nothing in possessions any more, that doing this through these pages is they way I should do it from now on.  Perhaps this morning had to happen to clarify it to me to the point that it changed me.  Don't get me wrong, change is good and sometimes painful, but it is the ability to take it and utilize it constructively that counts.

I still hope however that deep down, humanity can and will still come together in the face of horrid things.  Take 9-11.  The old adage of how New Yorkers come together was certainly true, and I would like to trust that most of us throughout this great nation are also that way.




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